Having “the talk” with your friends can be as simple as asking them in clear terms if you can discuss a sexual experience. Weiss suggests these questions as icebreakers, and using media as a vehicle for the discussion:
"Could I get your advice on something that came up in my sex life?"
"I was reading this article about incorporating toys into sex with a partner—have you ever tried that?"
"Did you see that ‘Broad City’ episode about pegging?"
All of these conversations will vary based on your comfort level, closeness with the other person, and the depth of your relationship or sexual encounter. I love the opportunity to learn from my friends through these conversations, but I’ll forever be the last person to say, “Hey, let’s talk about doing it!” You might find that others are excited to talk about it—they just don’t know how to bring it up.
2. GETTING CONSENT
Before you dive into these conversations, it’s important to get buy-in from your friends. Talking about sex without confirming that it’s comfortable for everyone involved can be triggering for people who have experienced sexual trauma or abuse. Ask your friend, “Is it okay if we talk about sex?” Another helpful question to ask before holding deep conversations is, “Do you have the emotional bandwidth to discuss a heavy topic with me?” A friend asked me this once before a big conversation, and I’ve never forgotten how respected it made me feel.
Make sure you’re clear on everyone’s comfort level. “To be sex-positive doesn't just mean seeing the positives about sexuality—it means respecting the diversity of it, and that includes people who are much more private or modest,” notes Queen. Not everyone wants to talk about pegging, and that’s okay.
“To be sex-positive doesn’t just mean seeing the positives about sexuality—it means respecting the diversity of it, and that includes people who are much more private or modest.””
Answers & Comments
Answer:
How to talk about sex with your friends
1. BRINGING IT UP
Having “the talk” with your friends can be as simple as asking them in clear terms if you can discuss a sexual experience. Weiss suggests these questions as icebreakers, and using media as a vehicle for the discussion:
"Could I get your advice on something that came up in my sex life?"
"I was reading this article about incorporating toys into sex with a partner—have you ever tried that?"
"Did you see that ‘Broad City’ episode about pegging?"
All of these conversations will vary based on your comfort level, closeness with the other person, and the depth of your relationship or sexual encounter. I love the opportunity to learn from my friends through these conversations, but I’ll forever be the last person to say, “Hey, let’s talk about doing it!” You might find that others are excited to talk about it—they just don’t know how to bring it up.
2. GETTING CONSENT
Before you dive into these conversations, it’s important to get buy-in from your friends. Talking about sex without confirming that it’s comfortable for everyone involved can be triggering for people who have experienced sexual trauma or abuse. Ask your friend, “Is it okay if we talk about sex?” Another helpful question to ask before holding deep conversations is, “Do you have the emotional bandwidth to discuss a heavy topic with me?” A friend asked me this once before a big conversation, and I’ve never forgotten how respected it made me feel.
Make sure you’re clear on everyone’s comfort level. “To be sex-positive doesn't just mean seeing the positives about sexuality—it means respecting the diversity of it, and that includes people who are much more private or modest,” notes Queen. Not everyone wants to talk about pegging, and that’s okay.
“To be sex-positive doesn’t just mean seeing the positives about sexuality—it means respecting the diversity of it, and that includes people who are much more private or modest.””
— CAROL QUEEN